There is a nagging question that haunts me and has haunted me since the day my children became ill. It's a question that every mother who reads this will understand. The question is this: "Could I be doing something more?"
When a child is ill, chronically ill, and that illness is mysterious, it creates a burden on a mother's shoulders that becomes, at times, unbearable.
As we are coming up on 2 years since this nightmare began I can speak from experience.
I have found rest for my soul. So I write this to encourage a mother I may never have the privilege of meeting. Unless I understand and accept my limitations there will be no rest for myself or anyone around me.
So, yes, the answer to the question is, "I could be doing more."
How can this be a restful answer?
Because it is the truth. There is no rest in illusion. We live in illusion all the time. Especially as mothers. Illusions like, "I can't fail. I must meet every need I'm given. I can't disappoint. I have to have it all together. I must not make a mistake."
The truth is I will fail. I do disappoint. I don't have it all together. I make mistakes. Somehow these truths release a lot of pressure. I know that I am limited. I don't know everything about getting through this crisis. I have to let go of doing this perfectly. And that's hard.
It's so hard that I've had this post sitting on my computer for five weeks. I've been hesitant to publish it. Why? Because it's not perfect.
Still, there is one truth that doesn't demand perfection.
I will not give up.
Ever.
2 comments:
Thank you Andrea. My 24 year old daughter has had a mysterious illness for a year the drs. can't figure out ~ chest pains, sometimes nauceous, and a "wiped out" no energy feeling. We've had blood tests, heart scans and echo cardiograms to name a few. But we are not giving up seeking it out or are we relenting in our prayers for her healing. Some times I feel like I should just quit - it's not so bad today; other days I want an answer NOW - she feels so bad. Your blog has helped quite a bit ~ how patient and tenacious you are (or have become) through your trial. We pray for your family often.
Carolyn, West Lafayette, IN
You're right you can never give up! I will never give up!
I believe we have been chosen to fight these battles!
It seems that everyone I’ve spoken to or read their stories they all seem to be very strong willed individuals. God has a plan for us all; he knows what he’s doing. He needs us and there are people out there who need us.
I think it's a big issue that not enough people know about.
We must pray and ask others to pray for the strength we need to get better and to try to make a difference regarding this illness.
It’s an illness that’s not going away until someone starts to do more about! The medical world needs to step up the government needs to step up! OSHA, landlords, schools and employers all need to step up and take a little responsibility! People are sick, marriages are over and families are spilt. Enough is enough! The victims and the families need to come together and do something!
This nightmare is real and it’s happening for a reason. Lets stick together, pray a lot and make a difference!
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