"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us."
It was a rough day yesterday. Too rough to share on the blog. But the purpose of the blog is to help those going through a similar valley. To let them know they are not alone. So I will tell you that I burst into tears with most of my children watching and sobbed, "I want my life back."
Chris took 4 of the kids back to Colorado over the weekend to see my son's final High School drama. It killed me to stay behind. But I knew I belonged with the other children.
Those who did go were reminded of all that they lost. They visited our house and jumped on the trampolines in the back yard. They peered in the kitchen window and saw Kaitlyn's lunchbox and Brandon's homework. Just the way we left it October 4th. Kaitlyn was sure she saw our dog's reflection in the window.
You can imagine what it was like to come back to Arizona. Back to the desert. Back to air mattresses. Not an easy thing for a child. Or their mother.
So, yesterday was rough. Not only because of their broken hearts but because they were sick. They came back with headaches, dizziness, rashes, sore throats, and sinus congestion. There were bloody noses on the trip. From Clorox in a bathroom. All reminders of why we're here.
With all the sicknesses it was impossible to get back on track. We don't have much of a track yet but there has been some semblance of a routine. And yesterday it was lost. I couldn't keep up. I began to imagine what it was like to drop them off at school and go for a walk. To visit with friends at the coffee shop. To sleep on a bed again. To have a home. To be the mom I once was.
Chris got the troops back on track. And talked me through it. And helped me get off the floor. And then Ryan got here after his 12-hour drive. There was something about his arrival that renewed all of our spirits. There was laughter at the dinner table. And guitars pulled out. And singing.
We went for a walk out back and visited with our neighbors. Ryan was on his skateboard and the younger kids on their scooters. They were racing. And laughing. And the sun was setting.
And it was beautiful.