Despite the Arizona sunshine, we've been experiencing the January blues lately. All the vitamin D in the world can't eradicate the discouragement that comes over us at times like these. This journey is just so painfully long. Full of setbacks. And uncertainty.
As one of my older daughters wrote this week,
"Reality is, we’re all just coming off of a near-death experience, and a year and a half of rehab is only the beginning. Reagan’s dizziness is ever-apparent. My mother is still constantly forgetting where she put her keys. Colin’s blood sugars are sky high for no apparent reason. Tempers flare at alarming rates, and spirits are overall very low."
Earlier this week we talked about moving back to Colorado. Excitement and relief coursed through our veins as we pictured ourselves with friends and familiarity by the fall.
But it's January. And we're not moving anytime soon.
Reagan woke me up the other night. Not with dizziness. But with depression. We strategized about solutions. (I easily resort to the "I must fix it" mentality.) He sighed,
"I think I need to find something inside myself and just get through."
His thought reminds me of the words of songwriter Jackson Browne,
"The only way through it, is through it."
No airlift. No underground tunnel. Just plodding and plowing. One desert day at a time.
"Sometimes when we plead for our adverse circumstances to change, God simply makes us content where we are. Many saints have found riches in poverty, ease in labor, rest in pain, and delight in affliction. Our Lord can so adapt our minds our circumstances, that the bitter is sweet, and the burden is light." --Charles Spurgeon