I first "met" K on July 8 of 2011. She commented on a blog entry, then emailed me directly.
Wow, thank you so much—you are an inspiration!!! I could not tell if my comments were going through. My brain fog. I have read your timeline on your website about all that happened to you and the kids in Colorado and I am devastated for you and the kids. Thank God you have your husband to help you in this battle, because I am alone. I just don't know what to do and I want to leave the house ASAP because of my kids and their health. To think I am putting them at a cancer risk or other risk is terrifying.K went on to describe her symptoms. All common with mold exposure.
In retrospect my health has been failing for years and now I have weird thoughts and psychosis/depression/wanting to commit suicide episode a few months ago. My psychiatrist who has treated me unsuccessfully for over a year said it was inflammation and sent me for Lyme testing. I found a great inflammation specialist but of course he does not take insurance. I tested super high for mold allergies. My kids and I are not having as serious reactions as your family but I am terrified. I have the swollen joints, weird thoughts, fatigue, neurological issues with tingling in the hands and feet, profuse panic and anxiety, depression, heart palpitations, brain fog, food allergies, frequent urination, inability to organize and make decisions, liver pain, every little thing makes me upset and stressed, and my cortisol levels are sky high.She also described issues with her three children.
One has reading trouble and nervousness, another has dizzy spells, anxiety, bed wetting and a few seizure-like occurrences (that happened a few years ago). Another child has anger problems and swelling in the joints. If this is mold our exposure must be less in comparison to your exposure. I think we have a genetic predisposition because I have had asthma and weird rashes as a child. My asthma is better at this stage in my life which is perplexing. I look like the picture of health but I know something is not right and the frustration and stress are also making me sick with worry. I know I have the panic issue and it is so good to talk to someone and get some support.K and I spoke soon after this email. She was calm and collected. Kind. Smart. She didn't sound desperate, but in retrospect I know she was. She was willing to do anything to help her kids.
I am 41 and I feel like my life is over. I was hoping to be remarried, have more kids, get my Masters degree and have a full life. Now I am devastated because what I can do now is limited and I have to take care of the kids. Can there be full recovery from this? Is it okay to exercise since that helps to remove toxins? In this world it is so hard to get the kids to stick to an anti-inflammation diet, and organic is so expensive. Can mold be fully remediated? I guess it depends on the mold. We live in a very humid area. I was always active and fun loving and now I'm not sure if I can even hold a job, and I cry so much. I have been out of work for over two years and when I go on interviews I am all over the place because of the brain fog and I do the dumbest and weirdest things. Really inappropriate and I am having trouble with anger. Should I go back on an exercise regimen? Did you move to Arizona because of the arid environment and to get away from mold as much as possible? I guess that is for the best to be out of a moldy environment because even the outdoor mold can be a trigger. The house is a mess because of my anxiety and disorganization. Is it safe to clean? Please pray God reveals if this is a mold issue as soon as possible and that the kids and I can find a safe place to stay for now until this is all figured out. Also my finances are in collapse because I have lost all my financial resources being out of work for so long and having to pay for testing.
This is so sad because my best friend and the Godmother of the kids lives next door and I hate to move away from her. I attached my resume in case you know of anyone to circulate to in Arizona.
I am going to call the insurance company and let them know over the years I had pipes leak in the house and the toilets overflowed a few times.
Thank you and God Bless!!! I will be praying for you too and I apologize for my upset, but I know you know I am overwhelmed having to fight this. I am trying to give it over to God.
Blessings to you and your family.
She and the kids left the home. I received this update on September 6:
I am struggling to find a mold-safe place to stay for me and the kids until I can get the house sold. My health seems to be deteriorating with all the stress. I was staying at a neighbor's and I started to have a reaction at her house. My tests for my house came back positive for lots of molds but nothing super toxic like what you have experienced. However with my allergic reaction and immune system it is super toxic. I seem to be most sensitive to aspergillus and alternaria, which are outside plant molds all over here in Maryland. I think God wants me to move to the desert and I am finally figuring this out. It is not healthy to live in this environment given my susceptibility, it will just keep running my immune system down since I am so allergic to outdoor environmental molds. Do you know of any network or anyplace I can stay in Arizona with my kids so we can get well and resettled? This is such an urgent situation and I know you understand this. Thank you and God Bless.I can't recall if K moved back to the home, but I received this email on February 20, 2012:
Hi Andrea,Indeed my phone number had changed. We connected and she asked if we could offer her and her kids a temporary home. Did we know of anyone who could help? Would I be willing to keep her youngest daughter to help her detox? This conversation took place at the end of March. I ached for her.
How are you? It would be good to touch base with you. I am still having these health/mold struggles. Has your phone number changed?
I did not speak with K again. Last week I received notice that she had taken her life on April 24. Her sister sent an email to all of her contacts.
I don't know all that went into K's decision to end her life. I do know that toxicity and depression/self-destructive thoughts and actions are connected. I've seen this in my own family. I also know that mold/health battles are lonely ones.
We need an awakening in this country to the reality of environmental illness and its link with mental health. I hope and pray K's story moves us toward that end.
Thank you for reading this. And sharing in the deep pain of this tragedy.
Her poor children! It is devastating enough to lose your parent to suicide or death of any kind... but knowing that your mother gave up and you are left to deal with this illness... that is beyond my comprehension.
ReplyDeleteI am a mother and my children also suffer from the effects of toxic mold poisoning... so do I. I could never leave them to navigate this illness alone... no matter how bad it gets.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Unfortunately, she saw no alternative... which is so incredibly sad.
I have gone through these same anxious thought processes. Once we found out the source of cross-contamination, that eased up. But my heart aches for this family just as it is for others who are suffering so intensely from the physical pain, and lack of understanding of this illness. It seems any more that I am sending prayer requests to those whom I feel are prayer warriors all the time for folks who are living in water damaged homes and have not been able to obtain medical help or financial assistance. As far as the anxiety goes, I have been doing good until yesterday when events related to my illness were brought up, and I went to bed EARLY this morning with thoughts of failure, inability to handle failure - or the thoughts of failure - and I know it's a facet of my mold illness. I am watching one of my parents die a slow death because they don't understand, don't believe that their moldy house is killing her. How do we help one another, Andrea? In this time of economic difficulty, how do we make differences for those who are in such dire need? I dedicate MY comments to my parent who is ill but does not believe it is from mold, as well as to friends on Facebook who are in dire, dire situations.
ReplyDeleteMy mold exposure left me with severe fungal sinutitis. I had to flee from my house post remediation because the dust triggered severe and sudden suicidalness. This was not a thought process; it was an event, a plunging that was clearly inflammation based for me. ( I know of a few people who call it "the doom" and there are thoughts as to what toxic molds or conditions give rise to "the doom" but I know of several people with mold illness that describe this state of mind that takes over the brain))
ReplyDeleteI could tell ...during one event as my mind seemed to work separately from the inflammation process into a state of sucidalness.. that there was a point of no return that was beyond my control, and I could lose my mind at that point. We left the house soon after. We lived in Virginia.
Our kids and I moved to Alabama to be near family into a new construction we were fortunate my father had built to sell and was available for us to move right in to. Alabama has very high outdoor mold spore counts.
When spring came around, my (already sick) sinuses literally bloomed. I could literally feel them blooming. I was told of a mold literate ENT in Atlanta and made an appointment. My sinsues were full of fungal balls. Once they were cleared out, I had improvements.. no more brain fog and deep emotional swings... but as soon as the spore count went up outside again, my symptoms came back though not near as extreme. I continued the protocol to keep my sinuses clear but have made another appointment because symptoms are worse again.
Dr Donald Dennis in Atlanta is my ENT. His theory is that some of us develop a T-Cell hyperimmune reaction to living mold spores and after re experiencing this post surgery (though not as extreme) as mold spore counts grew, I think he may be right. I belive that Dr Shoemaker refers to Dr Kern, also an ENT, with similar theories.
I also think there were two different imflammation responses going on that effect my state of mind. In the mold contaminated house, the dust (ERMI tested) had toxic and infectious mold spore DNA score over 17. Seconds after I would shuffle papers or attempt to dust a room (extreme "chronic fatigue), my head would "bloom" into the suicidal state I described. This did not happen to that extreme when I was out of the house though sinus inflammation seemed to always preceed the brain inflammation. There was something different about the mold in the house as opposed to outdoor mold and maybe it was only the concentration.
What I hope to relay here is that the abyss may not always be a thought process where someone gives up.
The emotional impact of mold contamination and mold illness are profound enough. The stress and sheer trauma. When I was diagnosed with lyme disease, which I am infected with, my yard was a trauma zone adn that was so very difficult to manage emotionally, let alone my illness. But when it was our home... all the lose, the starting over. The how to start over and how to leave without bringin "it" with you.
This is hard and I am grateful for you, Andrea, for being a beacon of light and hope. I cannot say enough how I feel for K and her family.
I know mold can make you lose your mind. I felt like I was going insane until leaving our first (and worst) toxic mold home. It gives you some pretty scary thoughts but I never once considered suicide as an option because of my kids. I could not leave them behind and felt it was my responsibility to get them better, not matter what...I know the guilt a parent leaves on their children when they commit suicide cause my parent did and I have wondered if we were exposed to mold growing up. I remember seeing black mold in the house, having basement floods, etc....anyway, I'm so sorry for her but more so for her kids :( Something has got to be done to help people get out and get well before this happens again!
ReplyDeleteOh Andrea - As you ache for K, I ache for your sadness as you connect over the internet with so many who are in such dire straights as K was. Very sad to know the people need help, and very very hard if not impossible to help them remotely, from afar. I know you wish you could take every person in need of help into your home. You cannot. You know you cannot. But you wish you could. I know that you wish you help them in a permanent life-giving way. You have been a beacon of hope for me and so many countless others.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, yes mold can cause/contribute to mental illness. It is good to talk about it openly so that others see the link too and can start to help themselves. They can realize the biological connection and not blame themselves. And also avoid mold and start to get better.
May K not die in vain. May those who need help for the mold/mental illness connection be more likely to get it. Ultimately, there is hope in Jesus Christ, who can forgive our sins if we ask and who can heal all our diseases - if not in this life, then in the life hereafter. There is a great hope and comfort in heaven.
May you be comforted, Andrea, in the midst of the sadness of hearing of K's death.
how incredibly sad.....I hope there is help for the kids......
ReplyDeleteHi Andrea,
ReplyDeleteWow, what a sad story. It sounds like this poor woman was very depressed and had previous thoughts of suicide and psychosis.
Environmental issues need to be addressed, but these types of psychological symptoms are an emergency and need to be treated as such.
Believe me, I know. My sister took a large handful of very potent prescription drugs one night,then tried to throw them up. She was not happy when I insisted on driving her to the ER.
The doc said that even after throwing up, she still had toxic levels of meds in her system and she could have lapsed into a coma had she not been treated.
Anyone experiencing psychosis needs immediate help.
Kim C.
My hope and prayer is to have a safe place where families can go and detox till they can get there barrings enough to start over.
ReplyDelete